My Existence

When was the last time, a person of political power said what they were really thinking?  Their OWN words?  Their own feelings and ideas?  When was the last time we, as American people, took them at face value?  Didn’t analyze and nitpick EVERYTHING that has been said, since their first words til the last press conference they were in?

Why is it, that politians can’t speak their mind?  Why do WE, the American people,  put them on pedestals and assume they can not, should not, and will not doe any wrong?  Why, I ask you, do we then throw them under the bus or otherwise enjoy hearing of their trangressions, faults and mistakes?  And not ONLY do we enjoy it, but we ACTIVELY seek the information!!

McCain announces he is not going to attend a certain debate until the current economical crisis is solved.  He calls on his opponent, Obama, to do the same and join him in Washington to iron out the game plan.  Here is what people are thinking:

McCain thinks he is going to lose the debate.  McCain is putting the economy before his campaign.

If Obama doesn’t also pull out, he doesn’t care about the economy.  If he does pull out, he is bowing to peer pressure.

Here is what I want to know :  Why have we made it matter what they do?  Why are we going over their every action and commenting and arguing about what they do or say, or do not do or do not say?  Why does what a candidate says in a debate, or at a press conference matter to a vote?  Why does it matter if they stumble on words, or appear lackluster, or insincere, or just don’t seem to handle themselves well??  In this particular political season, why does it matter that one of the choices for vice president is a female?  Who likes to hunt….what does her hunting have to do with RUNNING A COUNTRY???  Why does LACK OF EXPERIENCE really matter??

When you got your first job, did you know how to do EVERYTHING the job entailed the first day?  It matters more that you were a quick study, learned how to do your job, and tried to improve the process.  That is what should matter when it comes to voting.  That and what the person stands for, based on their words and how they have voted on issues in the past.

Forget all the television, radio and paper ads that are just bashing the other side.  Why have campaign ads sunk to the level of having to point out the negatives of the other person a majority of the time?  Why can’t ads promote what the person is going to do for their country?

We, as American people, need to stop rubber necking.  We need to stop being hypocrits.  We can’t hold politians to a certain standard, yet all the time be secretly wishing they stumble and fall!  Doing that only means politicians are going to say what THEY THINK we want to hear!  Which is what happens now!  We need to foster an environment in which a politician can say what THEY FEEL AND THINK!

So please, wake up America……we need change.  But the change needs to be in US, the common person.  The taxpayer, the one for whom which the government is supposed to be working for.  Not the other way around…..demand your representatives to be real people, and don’t scoff at what you hear, learn to accept it!

So ya, I am “doped up” on a generic brand of percocet, woohoo! The prescription bottle has “Endocet 5/325″ on it, it is some mixture of Acetaminophen and Oxycodone! Flying high, or at least as close as I will prolly ever get, ahaha!

Not the first time I have had them in my system since the Sunday the 17th of August, when I called 911 around 11:25 and got rushed to the emergency room at Southern New Hampshire Medical Center.  I was diagnosed with kidney stones basically as soon as the technicians heard my complaints of pain, where it started and how it moved through my system, with the way I was walking and when I explained to them that I had vomited so much from the pain I had nothing left in my stomach.  That plus the pain had died down considerably and was just a dull sharp ache between my kidneys and bladder.

While on a stretcher being wheeled into the hospital, the technician couldn’t remember the code to the door to get in, which I find to be a HUGE mistake.  Next, while still being wheeled in, the three of them were told to put me in room six.  This same technician goes to room five and as he is steering me towards the door,  me the one in pain, disorientated, possibly with some sort of pain killer going through my system in the IV they put in me, still has the senses to be listening to them and speak up when I notice them going into the wrong room.  Thinking about, I am completely amazed at how much of my faculties were still with me in the position.  I am also very much impressed by it.

While in room six, I see four people.  One person who is taking the notes about admit time, getting my information etc, takes my insurance card( THANK YOU INSURANCE! ) and never seen again.  The nurse, who comes in and asks me what happened, tells me what is going on.  And lastly, a “doctor,” who I see for about..2 minutes?  Asks me the same exact questions the nurse did, and then leaves.  Never got a name.  And lastly, the girlfriend, GF or my favorite “stupid bitch.”  She asked where I was being taken and came on down.  After I told her not to come to the hospital.  She did it anyways.  She “wanted to show her support and worry” she said.  My only concern was why she couldn’t do as I asked.  I told her I didn’t want her there cause she causes me stress just by being in the same room with her.  When I told her to leave, she ARGUED with me on it!  If someone is in the hospital, not dying, and requests to be alone….you do what they ask!!  I can’t believe she had the nerve to argue with me about it, to the point where I had to tell her I would press the little red button on my bed and when the nurse came in I would request she be escorted out of the room.  She left, snapping some nonsense at me.
So yeah, I was in the hospital for under two hours and released with a few urine strainers and prescription for a generic brand percocet, which was suppose to help with any future pain.  I got told to see my PCP and a Urologist as soon as possible, which amusingly wasn’t for eight day, the following Monday the 25th!!  I was told to drink a lot of fluids, at least 64oz( eight cups ) a day to pass the stone. I was released sometime around 13:30 and had the stupid bitch pickup me up.  Surprised she came?  While we were arguing in the hospital room, I told her if she wanted to show her concern she could show it by picking me up.
I did end up seeing my PCP for the first time on Thursday the 21st, but for a different reason:  Ear Infection!  I had it ALL going on apparently!!  While there, Julianne also inquired about my stones, but since I was there for my ear the visit was for my ear mostly!  I did however get a PCP Referral to give the Urologist!
I had ear canal tubes twice while I was younger, and because of the amount of wax build up I had that day, she was unable to determine if in fact I did have an ear infection but she said it was very likely and gave me a prescription of Amoxicillin just in case.  Then she suggested I use Deborox to help reduce the wax build up, which is something I have used in the past to help without even knowing I had an issue with my ears!  She also suggested I try a hot press, to help heat the wax and then flush it with a solution of half water and hydrogen peroxide.

Ah the 25th, the first morning I was woken up by searing pain around my kidney!  I think it was around 2am that the pain woke me, and it didn’t relent enough until past 4am.  I was an hour late for work, but I went into work…in pain, using most of my concentration on just managing the pain.  I still was able to work, thankfully.  Tuesday, the 26th.  Woke up yet AGAIN to even MORE pain, but it was around 0730 this time.  I was not late for work, and yes…I did go into work again.  Wednesday…..on this morning, I took one of the pills for the pain.  Sometime around 6am, which is when I got woken up, and the pain lasted until 0815.  I had to call out because I was not going to be able to drive myself to work after taking a percocet, and by the time I was able to drive almost 8 hours later, the day was already over.  Thursday morning I again had to call out of work, and this time I called the Urologist and told them I was unable to wait until the following Tuesday for the appointment.  Monday was Labor Day.  They said they would call me back, and they did….around 10:15, and told me to get to the hospital for 11am so I could have x-rays and an Ultra Sound done.  Got told the stone was at least 8mm by the Ultra sound lady, I have a picture that I took of the machine with the image still on it, will upload it later!  Saw the Urologist, who said she though it was closer to 2mm and she explained my options:  I could continue to try and pass it orthey could use a catheter and stent to help open up my urinary passages to allow it to move more easily.  I decided to try to pass it myself, and I ended up doing that Friday morning around 11am.  I had called out of work again, this time with a Doctors note!  I ended up going back to the Urologist that day and handing in the stone, finally……and the biggest piece was about 7mm.  It had two other smaller pieces which were about 3mm each.
I think I know why I had very little pain the first week. I was not drinking enough fluids.  To pass the stone, they wanted me drinking 64oz a day, of water.  On average I drink about 32oz of fluid a day, 24 of which is coffee or tea, with lots of sugar.  So the first week, I was still acclamating myself to drinking more fluids…and as soon as I hit a certain point, the stone started moving again.  It makes perfect sense to me!

So, that is my story about Kidney stones.  I am still waiting to hear back from the Urologist, telling me what I need to do to help reduce the risk of getting more, and what caused this one.  And I consider myself a very lucky individual, for my newly acquired health insurance from my very nice job, covered the ENTIRE ambulence bill( $4500+ ), I have a $100 copay for the Emergency Room visit, and while I think it is a mistake, I seem to owe the Urologist ~$190.xx for a “self-referred” visit….honestly?  I’d rather pay $200 than call them up and say there was a mistake and I need to pay $4500 instead!!!

Sarah Palin, I don’t know the lady and nothing said here is directed at her or meant to be negative in any way.  Though this is my blog and that is my right, I try not to exercise it when talking about politics because I try to stay out of them, that said…

The ONLY reason America now knows her name, is because someone in the McCain Administration said “Hey, let’s sign a female VP to grab all those dissatisfied Clinton supporters who are on the fence about whom to vote for since Obama didn’t pick Clinton, we can put another female on the ticket because all these supporters were really doing in the first place, was voting for a female!”

Read that, read that again, and read it one more time to fully understand all the nuiances of this once great country and the one absolote truth about politics:  They are now a total joke and all about perception and expectations.

McCain picked her to win female Clinton votes, PERIOD.  That is the number one reason on the list of why she was picked.  Any other reason supported the decision, plain and simple.  How is that politics?  How is that winning a vote by arguing your points to the point you change minds?  Why is America still getting all worked up over this outdated BS system??  Why would any true Democrat, want to vote for a party that is doing what they feel is going to get them the most votes, the most strategic thing???
Obama had prolly the most difficult choice ever as to whom to pick for VP.  It was widely “expected” he would pick Clinton, just cause.  For no other reason.  If he didn’t, he would lose all those votes because a majority of Clinton supporters are simply females who want to see another female as President or VP.  It’s not about the politics with them, it is about affirmitive action!  In most cases, very little more.  I mean, how can we not come up with that conclusion?  Since any TRUE Democrat wouldn’t vote for McCain if he was the only option, as his policies are completely polar to that of Clinton’s.  But, what is the feel of the Clinton supporters right now?  Vote McCain cause Obama didn’t pick Hillary!

Ok…that makes so much political sense, you won me over!  I am going to vote for a politician who doesn’t believe in the same things someone I was backing and rooting for!  Yeah!!  Cause obviously, this other politician is going to be able to get me the things I want, the things Clinton stood for, even though he is publically against Clinton and most of the things she stands for.  But he can get them for me, yeah yeah yeah!!

Complete and utter lunacy.  Hey, instead of voting Democrat because there is a FEMALE on the ticket, or running for President, why don’t you…say, vote for someone you believe can get you what you want?  Novel idea, eh??  Or not because someone didn’t do what you wanted them to, like Obama.  Just cause he didn’t pick Clinton, doesn’t mean he can’t get you the things you want.

Carry that logic to the poll booths, please.  Don’t make the electon process even more of a joke than it already is by voting AGAINST Obama, just cause.  If you seriously want to vote for McCain, have a reason that can justify your choice in 4 years.  Ask ex-Bush supporters what their reasons were 8 years ago, ask them if they justify their decision then, and if they would vote the same knowing then, what they do now….just ask, do us all a favor and ask!

My father’s house.  Silver Spring Drive, Bedford, NH 03110.  He is on vacation for a week, from Friday til Friday.  He asked me to check in on the house everyday while he is gone, feed and water both the cat and dog.  Not a problem!

It always hits me like a ton of bricks when I am there.  I never know what section of the house, what step on the stairs.  What corner I will be walking around when I think I see my boy King.  I do not think it has gotten easier over the years.  Not at all easier.  Every time I am over there it happens at some point.  I either just break down crying, or flop down on the stairs, or lean against a wall and just sigh a long sigh.

What else can I do?  I still continue to think of him daily.  What he meant to me, what he did for me, how he was always there for me.  What he stopped me from doing….

Some days they are happy thoughts, most they are sad.  What happened to him?  Was he hit, stolen, killed by another animal?  Sometimes I like to wish he is still alive, with another family bringing them joy.   But with every step I take on my father’s property, every single step with every single breath what I wish for the most is for him to pop around a corner and meow up at me like he did.

Wishing it was all but a bad dream.

….omg awesome! and omg LONG! 2:40. Yes, 160 mins!

But awesome indeed, Ledger, RIP, was absolutely brilliant as Joker. I think he genuinely deserves the award for his performance, it was different…it was just right. I don’t think I have ever seen him act like that or at that level. I have not seen Brokeback Mountain though, I heard he was excellent in that.

I felt Bale was almost a supporting character the entire movie, between him and Ledger I want to say their screen time was almost identical. His performance was excellent as well, but something about it doesn’t sit well with me, I am not sure what though…it just seemed in a few scenes that he was having a really bad day or something.

The Harvey Dent to Two-Face character I felt was pulled beautifully. I connected with him and his ambitions as Dent, and then again connected with and believed his transformation from such a do gooder to a man of evil born of pain and suffering.

Rachel was….ehh. I don’t like actor changes for the same character, who does? Even still, I thought the character while important to help and move the story along was a bit weak and empty when it wasn’t needed.

Highly recommend the movie, better than Iron-Man for sure. Indiana Jones of course, and god I hope there is a third of equal measure!!!

Thanks again to Rock101 for the free midnight premiere tickets!!

Life is all about choices.  Every day, every hour, every minute, every second.  Life throws choices at us.  Some, are out of our control.  Others, and most of them, come up based on choices we have made in the past.  Whether that past be five years, or five seconds.

Choices like what to have for breakfast are mundane and of our own choosing.  The only complication that can arise when having to make that choice is if you have nothing to eat!  Follow me for a moment:  So now you have to stop at say Dunkin Donuts to grab a bagel and coffee, but you get stuck in line and arrive at work late by ten minutes and your boss writes you up, or because you are late by even ten minutes hours and hours or hundreds of company dollars are lost or wasted.

So why would you have nothing to eat?  If you made the choice not to buy food.  Oh, you didn’t have time you say?  Why not?  Had to stay late at work to finish something?  Why is that, and answer honestly!  Are you actually overworked, or did you have the time but choose to procrastinate a bit during the work day?  Busy talking to a cute guy or gal?  Surfing the internet a little to much?  Those are a choice, are they not?
And that choice made you late for work.  Now, the scenario I just described may seem minor to some of you, or it may be important.  But I want you to ignore the actual scenario and focus on what happened.  How can you do that without looking at the situation you ask?  Simple, don’t focus on the actual events but how those events unfolded and shaped as one choice led to another and your choices of action were thus limited by the previous choice.

Had you not procrastinated at work the previous day, you would have had the time to go to the store and buy food, your breakfast for the next morning.  That would have meant you didn’t have to stop at Dunkin Donuts for breakfast, and thereby would not have been late for work!

Choices, are what I believe are tests.  Fate likes to play games with us, and when you make the wrong choice it may not always be obvious to you immediately.  Who knows how long that one simple choice may lay dormant, seemingly inconspicuous, and then out of nowhere come back to haunt you?

The best way to avoid problems that crop up from your choices, is to plan.  Plan everything, think about everything constantly and always be exploring your options.  Never rule anything out, even if it is something you think will NEVER in a million years happen, at least THINK about it.  Make the conscience effort, dedicate some time to seeing what could happen, what choices could be made and how they could affect you.  At least if that impossible event occurs, you have spent some time debating it and any snap or rash decision you make, will be affected by how much thought you have put into it.

I go through life everyday wondering and pondering.  I also have a very active mind that races around at light speed.  I can’t get it to sit still for anything.  This gives me ample opportunity to think about a whole slew of things during the work day….while still getting the job done and just as proficient as the next person.  Sometimes more so, because of how my entire life, including my professional one, revolves around making choices and planning ahead, being prepared for as many unusual, surprising or last minute things that may happen.

I am able to adapt to all sorts of situations very quickly, and because I thrive on information, being a “know-it-all” and just curious by nature, I usually have an idea of what is going on, or at least I have enough information to be able to figure out what is going on or needed in a given situation.  It is one of the traits about myself that I both love and hate.  I love it because I feel once an employer realizes the kind of potential I have, I become a valued asset to them.  I hate it because, up until my potential is realized, my actions can be misconstrued as…nosy or not minding my own business.

People dislike when someone THEY feel doesn’t need to know information, does.  Personally,unless the information is confidential…..why exactly does it matter who knows what?  If someone is interested in knowing more about an operation or a process, why get all annoyed if you find out they know about it?  Does it hurt YOU for them to know?  Does it make them more important?  Does it make you less important?  If you answered yes to any of those, you need to think about what really matters.  Why does what someone else knows, affect you at all?  As long as you do your job to the best of your ability, don’t worry about it!

Well, this has certainly evolved a little past choices, eh?  And I am not ranting about anything, nothing “happened” at work or anything like that.  I just went off on a tangent for no reason, and because I have had people get annoyed in the past, for no good reason at all…..

Well, off to bed for me!  Good night all, if anyone was bored enough to read all this…please, I welcome feedback!

It’s REALISTIC!  As much as a fantasy movie can be, anyway.

A lot of people are citing bad directing, script, etc.  Apparantly the original draft or something along those lines got leaked, but was changed to the movie that was actually released.  I haven’t read it, could it have been better?  Possibly, who cares?  The movie I just saw was decently put together.

You connected with the characters, you felt their emotions and pain.  I laughed up until the point I was suppose to, and then I felt the drama I was meant to.

Unfortunately, this movie is hurt by the same thing ALL comedies are - the best parts are shown in trailers.  Hancock is sadly no different in that respect, but it is one hell of a good movie!

I highly recommend this movie, but don’t go expecting a straight comedy from start to finish.  Much like Iron-Man, and many good movies of this day, they shake things up a bit and I think that is how things should be!

19 years.  Movies were different, so were our views on them.  The latest installment of Indian Jones, The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, tries hard to bring back the nostalgic feeling of an adventure flick in a time where CGI is everything, and explaining plot is a must!  While there were no “How did the villains know that or get there!?” scenes some of the action scenes, while entertaining and most certainly following Indies footsteps, were a stretch and full of the usual “How could they miss!” comments - Something we tell ourselves we HAVE to accept, but in reality could have been done better, a bit more realistic.

I thought it was an enjoyable movie, I felt like I was watching a new age old age Indian Jones and though not perfect, it was carried over decent enough to be able to overlook the few mistakes and accept the usual things you need to accept, just cause you gotta!

I gots me a new job, of course….that is obvious if you read the title!

So what does a computer gaming genius who spends every waking moment in front of a PC do at his new job?  Spend nearly all day in front of a PC learning how to build, program, use, repair and troubleshoot robots!!  Such a change from my home life, eh?

I am loving it thus far.  My new boss, Jeff, seems like a pretty laid back kinda guy.  I work with an old high school friend, Adam, such a n00b.  Good guy though, really knows his stuff in this place…REALLY knows his stuff from what I have seen and heard.  That is what I want to become in this position myself if possible.  I think I even have the potential to surpass Adam, but I don’t want to mention that yet, could be a little premature…haven’t been working at this place long enough to *know*, yet.

I have met a lot of people recently at this place, and I can’t remember HALF the names!  I remember a Mike, Matt, Dennis, Angela, Olga( sp? ), Michelle, Bob…Bob…Bob, a Dave?  Lot of new faces, and I am the new kid on the block who knows SQUAT!

Very  very VERY VERY VERY far cry from the job I have kinda sorta just left but am kinda sorta still working at?  More on that later.  I am stepping out of well worn, well traveled, well experienced and extremely comfortable fitting shoes.  I knew EVERYONE.  I knew EVERYTHING about ANYTHING.  I *was* the go to guy for any question that needed an answer.  99 times out of a hundred, I had an answer…and it was usually the RIGHT one.  I was the man.

Now, I am so far from being the man its making me giddy with excitement.  A new challenge?  Something to aspire to, to achieve?  Finally I can put forth effort again and feel the rewards of figuring things out for the first time.  The pleasure of learning anew, of having to ACTUALLY think during the working day.

I can only hope I am up to the task.  I certainly do NOT want to disappoint my new employers.  Hopefully, I am able to do for them what I have been able to do for Bonk the past five years, and amaze them with my versatility, adaptability, aptitude for learning, desire for knowledge, and desire to always do things the right way, the first time.

I must say, this is the first time in QUITE a while I have been looking forward to waking up.  I always loved going to work, even at Bonk for DHL Express.  It didn’t challenge me mentally, but I enjoyed the work and always always did the job to the best of my ability….problem was that it didn’t take a lot of my ability after a while and I never had to put 100% into the job to do it right.  Is that a good or a bad thing?

Regardless, I know nothing at this new job.  I don’t have the luxury of not giving 100%.  There is so much to learn, I may be giving 100% for a month or two just to take it all in….and that is something I look forward to doing. 

Wish me luck. 

It’s a feeling I find myself feeling more and more lately.  I don’t know where I am going in life, what I am doing.  I am floating in space with vast blackness all around me, feeling cold and alone.  I have plenty of air to breathe, but each breath comes with more of a struggle than the last.  I wish the last breath was it sometimes, I wish I would not take another.  I want to force myself to not.

What am I doing?  Where am I doing?  Who am I?  Is this everything I want in life?  Is this all I want to amount to in this world?  Have I achieved my greatest potential?  Have I maxed out what I can learn?  What have I left to offer this existence?  Can I better myself?  Can I be a better person?

I feel the last question is the only one I can answer.  And that answer is no.  But is that a good or a bad thing?  I find myself making the decision that is always ultimately better for the other person than myself.  I want to help people, genuinely and honestly.  I don’t want people to suffer, even a total stranger and if I can do anything in my power to save them even a moments pain - I want to be able to do that!  So why would I ask if that is a bad thing?

Well when it comes to defining myself and what I live by, it is the worst possible thing I can say about myself.  I live to help others in every aspect of life.  I always help them, but I never help me.  As far as I am concerned, that is the best person I can be.  Which means I have reached my potential in that regards.  With the amount of empathy I have, that means I am unable to improve, unable to do any better.  I have no reason to reach further because I have reached as far as I am able, as far as I feel anyone is able.  I strive to become a better person and I did, so much in fact I can strive no further.  I can not become better, I can not improve.  I have a hard to accepting that.  It makes me wander, lost with no direction at all, no purpose.

Yet I take another breath each time.  I must have some purpose left, deep down I must known I have some goal yet filled.  Something to live for.  Breath for.  Strive for?

My phone rang 1t 12:23pm today, didn’t recognize the number but I always answer regardless.

The man speaking identified himself as a Comcast Rep, and went on to explain that my account is using excessive bandwidth, and that I must *drastically* decrease usage or my service was going to be terminated for a period of one year, without further warning, if I was to show up on their list again.

 I played dumb of course, something you all know I am not, and asked exactly how much bandwidth he was talking about.  Apparently I used 413GB last month.  That’s quite a lot, I have to say.  I asked how that was possible, saying I know I download a lot of game demos, videos from youtube, netflix ondemand along with heavy internet browsing and gaming, but 413GB is an awful lot of data.  He asked if I had a wireless router, which I do( but is secured ).  He said someone could be connecting to it without my knowledge and using bandwidth that could account for that total.

 I asked what I should do, and his answer was “Contact your router manufacturer and inquire with them how to make your wireless connection secure.”  And without hesitating, repeated that if I did not drastically reduce my bandwidth usage, my account would be terminated for one year.  Nevermind the fact that if someone was really using my connection, they should be traced and tracked down and action taken against them.  Didn’t want want to discuss that subject.

Moving on, I asked what was the limit.  He said there was no hard limit, but that they run a report that identifies the top 1% of high usage customers, and then the top 1% of those customers, and these are the people who get these phone calls.  I said they should impose limits if they are going to the extent of terminating services based on usage, and he said it varies by region so they can’t impose hard limits because usage changes each month.

 Telling him I have heard of other people complain about these invisible limits, he once again rattled off the report speal and that only those customers get these phone calls.  I then said I will glady switch to FioS if my service gets terminated, as will a lot of other people when the service becomes available in their area, and hung up on him.

 Now, I do a LOT of torrenting.  No movies, a game here and there which I end up buying for multi-player if I like it enough.  Most of the items I download, are television shows.  Running some numbers, I have downloaded at least 60+ TV episodes in the month of November.  More, because I delete the torrents after a while.  And have uploaded back at least 80% of what I have downloaded.  So say 75 shows, at 1.07GB a piece with 80% shared back gives a little under 150GB.  Throw in the half dozen games shared closer to 100% back, roughly 6-8GB a piece these days( crazy! ) and I have around 250GB of usage.

 Add in the GF and the other roomate, both who download a lot of fan made anime videos, and both also torrent TV shows and I can see how they got that number.    Between the two of them, I am sure they use around 150GB a month.

I can’t wait for FioS and it’s claimed “unlimited” usage policy.    Though I have no issues with Comcast, and will certainly admit I am a heavy bandwidth user - if they can’t give me a limit to adbide by for fear of other people rising their usage to meet the limit so they dont waste money, then Comcast doesnt deserve to be in the business of being an ISP.  No current ISP should be allowed to oversell their services.  It would be like an airliner selling 400 tickets for a 350 seat flight, then having upset customers who get there and find out their seat was taken…oh wait, that happens!

We live in a stupid, morally corrupt, only here to make money corporate society.  until people stand up for their rights and say they have had enough, we will only continue to be walked over and stolen from.

If that didn’t catch your attention:  YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW!!!

I finally got a new computer!  Well, new CPU, mobo, RAM and Video card!  New computer as far as I am concerned and I am soooo happy right now.  the only drag in my life at the moment is my GF, and as I continually pound into her( haha, not like that…I only wish ) she NEEDS to step up, grow up and stop acting like a spoiled brat.

But, onto the good stuff!

An Intel C2d E4300, an MSI P6N SLI with 2GB of OZC DDR2800 and a Gigabyte 512MB 8500GT!  Thing runs Supreme Commander, X3 and of course, CSS.  I get an average of 70-80 FPS on all maps in the game now, very decent from my 25-40.  The game still lags though, isn’t that pathetic?  I can’t see the lag as much now that my rig is a lot better, but I can still see the effects of it.  So annoying, I wish I was ignorant of the latency issues that are in Counter-Strike:  Source.

I have had three instances in the past two days that make me wonder.  I have always wondered, I have to many instances of deja vu, to many guesses at things that come true..I gotta be psychic to some extent.

The first:  I’m at work Friday and I am having a conversation with the office manager.  She is sitting to my left at one of the two computers in the office, I am at the other.  I look over when she starts talking and I get an image of having done this before.  She keeps talking and then the conversation starts coming to my mind.  Soon enough, I remember the entire conversation and everything she says and all my responses.  Then when the phone rings and she goes to get it, I say who it is and when she answers it…it’s him.

The second:  Earlier today my girlfriend asks if I know who Disney just signed, I simply spit out “Stan Lee” and she looks at me like I have two heads asking “How did you know?”

The third:  Twenty minutes ago when we were watching Apocalypto, and near the end of the movie the main character is kneeling on the beach with two people chasing him.  They have all stopped and are just staring at something off camera, I say “Unless they are looking at a Spanish armada, what the hell are they doing?”  The camera pans, and you see four boats bearing white sails with red crosses in the harbor.  And three smaller boats with men wearing Spanish armor rowing towards shore.

I suppose I could just…like, figure these things out on some subconscious level without actually thinking about them?  But that would mean I have some insane reaction time mentally speaking.  Or that during my day I hear or see these things outside my immediate attention span..you know background chatter or noise you can hear but can’t understand for example, and my mind understands them and then later on I just am in a position where that information is relevant?

I don’t know….I just know I got something going on.

So I gave my girlfriend a deadline on getting a job just about three months ago.  Yeah, I know right…finally!  Will be four years this June that we have been together, and she hasn’t held a job in that ENTIRE period.  No income, only expenditure.

 She calls me an asshole for pushing her to get a job, I don’t quite understand that response.  Isn’t having a job a good thing?  You make money, so you can spend it.  Pay your bills, support yourself through life without having to depend on others around you.  I think it is a good thing to support ones own self, not relying on others.  Be able to buy the things I want, when I want.

So it makes me wonder about these individuals who want to be a burden on others, dependant, a drain on society.  Why do they not understand the importance of an income?  Is it how they are raised by their parents?  Not taught the necessity and value of hard earned money?  The responsibility of keeping money, spending it wisely to live?

I live with a female who HAS worked in her life…but not at a serious job.  Most of the jobs she had were to buy the things she wants.  She has never had to worry about paying bills.  All was taken care of by her parents.  The house, the internet, the food, the transportation.  She never wanted in her life, only demanded things and I think her parents always gave them to her without question, without lessons.

So now I live with this person, who has had the past three months to get a job since I decided to stop punishing myself.  She has until my birthday to do such, which leaves her with 19 days left.  She thought I was joking the first two months, isn’t that pathetic?  You live with someone for almost four years and you can’t tell when they are being serious?  I explained to her what she needed to do, and that I would take no excuses.  None, period.  If she was without job by the end of my birth day, she would find herself without a place to live.  She would have to move out by the end of the month.

She has 19 days left.  I must say, I am getting excited about the prospect of being single again.  I feel my life would be a heck of a lot easier.  No one else to worry about, I don’t have to listen to someone nag me, I don’t have to take responsibility for anyone but myself.  It’s not even about being single so I can find another person, I think if her and I break up I am not going to get attached to another again.  No commitment sex?  Sure!  Live together?  Say “I love you?”  No.

 I just want to come home from my job and play video games.  That’s what makes me happy. 

http://www.hlcomic.com/index.php?date=2005-05-01

 This webcomic is about The Half-Life and Death of Gordon Frohman.  I only need to say one thing:  Hilarious.

 I can’t tell you how many times I busted out laughing at some of the stuff I read.  Mad props to the creator, sadly he is no longer producing the comic but I am at comic #164 with about 40 left and loving every one.

 A must read for any HL / Hl2 fan!!!

http://www.hlcomic.com/index.php?date=2005-05-01

Recently, within the past week, got back in touch with someone I went to high school with.  Briana Dabek.  Wow, brings back memories.  She use to draw on my arm in physics class.  The action was so pure, so innocent…I loved it.  It made me look forward to seeing her!!  I never did tell her how I felt about her, just a simple high school crush right?
Well I did right out of the gate almost!!  I can’t believe I did that after all the years I have spent building my invisible walls and barriers.  She didn’t even respond to my comment, but that is ok.  The last thing I need right now is to be distracted by..well, by as far as I was concerned, the BEST looking lady in high school.  Sure, people can DRESS sexy..but she WAS sexy!  I just always thought she had this glow about her, a wonderful smile and of course a great figure.  A great personality, what little I knew about it.  I always wanted to know more.
Wonder what she looks like now?  Of course why does it matter to me?  I wouldn’t stand a chance with a lady like that, am to nerdy….to geeky, LOL.  And oh yeah, I have a GF, too.  That might have something to do with it, haha.  :\  Of course, if I didn’t….ah who knows?

Only thing I know?  It was a pure pleasure to speak with her!  The not fun part?  Knowing what is out there that I could be missing….. whether it could be with her, or another.  Just knowing there is better than the one I am currently with makes it hard on me, but that is my fault for staying with her….

Tonight, avilable for download and not airing in the US yet, the last episode of Stargate SG-1 has been aired.  It has been a very long, VERY good ten seasons for this series…and I don’t want it to end!!

It’s not the same anymore with Jack O’Neill( two L’s ) but it’s still the best ever!  I am going to miss this show so damn much.  You think I am funny, or childish or immature for saying that right?  Ten years…I have been watching this show for ten years of my life.

I was 17 when it first aired.  I still didn’t have my license, I was still in high school stealing glances at Brianna, or having long conversations with Nicolle at lunch, and Michelle and Kara were still trying to make me laugh by tickling me.  I was still sleeping my way through classes, owning everyone on Tetris that we played on linked TI-83’s and TI-86’s.  My dad hadn’t kicked out my second “mother,” and I was still a virgin.

I grew up watching this show, grew up already dreaming about living that kind of life someday, obviously knowing it was all fake, but wishing…silently wishing for it to be real.

I plan on watching the last episode tomorrow when I get back from work, and you know what….

I will probably end up crying.  But I admit that freely, I know who I am and I have no fear of being embarrased at a perfectly natural emotional response.  It doesn’t matter if the stimuli is fictional, after all….what is love but a feeling that may be brought on by lies?

Best place to go on the net for all your Command and Conquer needs, from the best game in the series Tiberian Sun, to the newest in the franchise, Tiberium Wars.  So visit www.cncgamer.com today and take a look around!

I have been frequenting this place for just over a year now, I first signed up for Tiberian Sun..looking to get in touch with a few people from back in the day when the game was still very popular, and perhaps..get back into playing a bit.  I quickly found out however, that the same reasons I left…cheating, ego, and lame ass n00bs winning through nothing resembling strategy, was still around if not more so!  Real-Time Strategy, at its best!

I played a few games, lost most of them miserably due to being sooooooo rusty, and just couldn’t get into it.  Kinda been hanging there every now and then voicing my opinion in the TS world here and there, and then they created a TW section.  Been going there everyday since just about, reading topics, having a few discussions with people.  Quite a few intelligent people there too, they actually know what they are talking about!

Anywho, one of the Staff Members suggested( forced! ) me into applying for Moderator, and I have been accepted..should be interesting.  Been a few years since I have had to be responsible for any part of a forum, and last time…wasn’t as big a deal.  TW is coming out in just over two weeks, and it is going to be a big game, a lot of people talking about it, strategies, opinions, flaming, the norm, etc!

This year was the first time I participated in the American tradition of “Black Friday.” BestBuy was advertising ATi 512MB x1600 Pro’s for $99.99, a drop in price of over $100.  Great deal.  They were also advertising Seagate 250GB HDDs for $59.99, a drop in price of over $70.  Another great deal.  I ended up picking up both.

When I originally got to the parking lot, it was of course an absolute mad house.  At 0525, when I first drove by the end of the line was from the main entrance to the corner of the building, but was moving forward slowly.  So I wouldn’t have been surprised to have seen it wrap around the building before the doors opened, the corner of the building was at least 70 feet away at this time.  It took me barely three minutes to find a parking spot.  I have such great luck with that, always have.  I can pull into the mall at any time during holiday season and have a parking spot in minutes.  Other people drive around for a lot longer before they get one.

So I get to the back of the line, which is now maybe 80 feet from the corner of the building and start inching towards the doors.  About five minutes later I am the second person in line and I can peek inside….you see nothing but one huge jumbled mass of bodies moving.  One BB employee is standing on the security counter( OSHA anyone? ) trying to guesstimate how many more people to let in.  He turns around to the door and says “Let another 20 people in, then no more for at least 10-15 minutes”  My luck was certainly going good today.

So as I am walking through the double door entrance, I am thinking to myself..they all gotta be gone, it is is just past 0530, they all gotta be gone.  I start walking towards the Computer section and see a table with a number of people around it.  On the table I see the video cards, both AGP and PCI-e.  Right next to the hard drivers.  A quite a number of everything.  My luck is still holding it seems.  I scamper on over, snatch up both a video card and a HDD, and start looking for the DVDs they had advertised.  100 pack of DVDs for 4.99.  Not in sight, so I glide on over to the media section, not five feet away and there are none left anywhere.  Annoyed, cause that was the best deal out of everything I wanted, I start towards the register knowing to get in line ASAP and bump into an employee who I know from being in there so much.  I ask him about the DVDs and he says they had 100 of them, but they went fast.  I asked if there was any limit on per person and he says nope, and I say “Ah.” and he was like “Yup.”

So a few people prolly bought like five or ten bundles at a time, what a bummer.  I know that while I was in line, I saw a few people carrying two or three of them.  Speaking of the line here is my quick drawing of it!  I got in line when it was only four or five lines deep.  By the time I reached the last straight away towards the beginning of it, the line was half-way down the length of the building, snaking through Appliances, Washers, Driers, and just reaching Car Audio.  It was a LONG line.  Took about 20 minutes for me to be checked out, and I was at work at 0607.

So, my first foray into the big bag beast of Black Friday, and I got almost all that I wanted.  Not complaining anyways, my car wasn’t hit, I wasn’t run over nor was I shot or stabbed…gotta call that a good day!  Anyways, off to install my new HDD and video card.  Was thinking of selling one or both items on ebay, but the HDD and card, just aren’t selling…can’t imagine why! 

I have a long standing rule of having never, and will never buy flowers - for anyone.  I can see picking them for a special someone, but I will not spent money on something that dies, or is FAKE!  My girlfriend knows this, and of course isn’t happy with it because she wants flowers.  Apparently, the single act of buying a female flowers means you love them.  So I could buy flowers, and while handing them to her say “I don’t love you.” and be all set, right?

My question:  Why?  What exactly do flowers do other than sit there, smell nice *only* when extremely close, and then die in a very short while?  I am told by many ladies, that it is the thought that counts.  Well, then how come I can’t just think it and be done with it?  Obviously, it is NOT just the thought that counts or I could very easily say “I thought about getting you flowers today.”

That of course, wouldn’t go over well, because it isn’t just the thought that counts.  I got flowers from work yesterday, anytime there is a destroy order on a package, it usually gets opened and if there is something inside people want, they are allowed to take it in most cases.  Well, yesterday one of those came through for an order of flowers.  I asked if I could have a few for my girlfriend, was told yes.  I won’t buy them, but I am not opposed to getting some free ones.

Bring them into her, and what do I get?  Not a thank you, or a hug, or anything showing appreciation or gratitude, but a “Where did you get those from, someone else?”  I stand there for a moment, sigh my famous sigh and simply say “You know, pretty soon you are going to be living on the streets.” I walk over to the sink, crush the flowers in my hand and let them sit in the sink.

A few minutes later I am in my room, I hear the sink turning on and she is doing some dishes and offering to make me dinner.  Funny how the need to threaten her gets her motivated into doing SOMETHING other than sitting there playing video games or watching movies.  I don’t mind supporting her, but when I come home I don’t want to be bothered by having to take out the trash or doing any dishes, or nothing.

And I certainly don’t want that kind of attitude or response from her when I do something nice for her.  At the rate I get accused of being with other ladies, I may as well be so I’m not missing out on any fun in the meantime.  Cause I sure as hell am not getting anything from her.