My Existence

Recently, within the past week, got back in touch with someone I went to high school with.  Briana Dabek.  Wow, brings back memories.  She use to draw on my arm in physics class.  The action was so pure, so innocent…I loved it.  It made me look forward to seeing her!!  I never did tell her how I felt about her, just a simple high school crush right?
Well I did right out of the gate almost!!  I can’t believe I did that after all the years I have spent building my invisible walls and barriers.  She didn’t even respond to my comment, but that is ok.  The last thing I need right now is to be distracted by..well, by as far as I was concerned, the BEST looking lady in high school.  Sure, people can DRESS sexy..but she WAS sexy!  I just always thought she had this glow about her, a wonderful smile and of course a great figure.  A great personality, what little I knew about it.  I always wanted to know more.
Wonder what she looks like now?  Of course why does it matter to me?  I wouldn’t stand a chance with a lady like that, am to nerdy….to geeky, LOL.  And oh yeah, I have a GF, too.  That might have something to do with it, haha.  :\  Of course, if I didn’t….ah who knows?

Only thing I know?  It was a pure pleasure to speak with her!  The not fun part?  Knowing what is out there that I could be missing….. whether it could be with her, or another.  Just knowing there is better than the one I am currently with makes it hard on me, but that is my fault for staying with her….

Tonight, avilable for download and not airing in the US yet, the last episode of Stargate SG-1 has been aired.  It has been a very long, VERY good ten seasons for this series…and I don’t want it to end!!

It’s not the same anymore with Jack O’Neill( two L’s ) but it’s still the best ever!  I am going to miss this show so damn much.  You think I am funny, or childish or immature for saying that right?  Ten years…I have been watching this show for ten years of my life.

I was 17 when it first aired.  I still didn’t have my license, I was still in high school stealing glances at Brianna, or having long conversations with Nicolle at lunch, and Michelle and Kara were still trying to make me laugh by tickling me.  I was still sleeping my way through classes, owning everyone on Tetris that we played on linked TI-83’s and TI-86’s.  My dad hadn’t kicked out my second “mother,” and I was still a virgin.

I grew up watching this show, grew up already dreaming about living that kind of life someday, obviously knowing it was all fake, but wishing…silently wishing for it to be real.

I plan on watching the last episode tomorrow when I get back from work, and you know what….

I will probably end up crying.  But I admit that freely, I know who I am and I have no fear of being embarrased at a perfectly natural emotional response.  It doesn’t matter if the stimuli is fictional, after all….what is love but a feeling that may be brought on by lies?

Best place to go on the net for all your Command and Conquer needs, from the best game in the series Tiberian Sun, to the newest in the franchise, Tiberium Wars.  So visit www.cncgamer.com today and take a look around!

I have been frequenting this place for just over a year now, I first signed up for Tiberian Sun..looking to get in touch with a few people from back in the day when the game was still very popular, and perhaps..get back into playing a bit.  I quickly found out however, that the same reasons I left…cheating, ego, and lame ass n00bs winning through nothing resembling strategy, was still around if not more so!  Real-Time Strategy, at its best!

I played a few games, lost most of them miserably due to being sooooooo rusty, and just couldn’t get into it.  Kinda been hanging there every now and then voicing my opinion in the TS world here and there, and then they created a TW section.  Been going there everyday since just about, reading topics, having a few discussions with people.  Quite a few intelligent people there too, they actually know what they are talking about!

Anywho, one of the Staff Members suggested( forced! ) me into applying for Moderator, and I have been accepted..should be interesting.  Been a few years since I have had to be responsible for any part of a forum, and last time…wasn’t as big a deal.  TW is coming out in just over two weeks, and it is going to be a big game, a lot of people talking about it, strategies, opinions, flaming, the norm, etc!